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Conspiracy Theorist

Bismarck [Materia]

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  • 23

Letter to Genesis Mine Eternal Nemesis

Public
My Dearest Genesis,
From the moment I met you I knew I wanted to fight you. . .and you only until the day I died. I feel like in a previous life you and I were probably two transients fighting outback in the parking lot of a Denny’s or two Floridian raccoons batting and snarling at each other over a rancid chicken bone in the trash can outside that same Denny’s. Have you ever seen two raccoons fight Genesis?

We are like kindred spirits, like soul mates but instead of loving each other, we would fight each other to the brink of death daily. There were times that I must admit I was worried you weren’t the match I thought you were – days in which you just didn’t put up enough of a fight. But when I confronted you about it today and you pledged to be my enemy until death do us part, my heart was brimming with happiness and my fists were ready to kill.

I can imagine us now in our old age, jousting with canes and oxygen tanks in hand as our nurses slam our wheelchairs towards each other.

In my next life, I pray I will be reborn as a fast food worker, and you a raging Karen. I’ll hand you lukewarm food through the drive through window and you’ll park your car, leaving your 3 kids inside unattended so you can come stomping in like a raging bull inside. What beautiful moments to be had :)

Eternally Your Nemesis,
Conspiracy Theorist


Comments (23)

Nae Tastic

Bismarck [Materia]

Brings tears to my eyes, just beautiful <3

Kupo Warkson

Siren [Aether]

Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return.

Misa Ayuzawa

Behemoth [Primal]

Do by chance have an audiobook of this?

Kupo Warkson

Siren [Aether]

Well well, look who it is.

Conspiracy Theorist

Bismarck [Materia]

WHO ARE YOU KUPO and how did you get my number D:

And ma'am we're currently working on the audiobook but my brain is like that of a raccoon and every time I try to dedicate time for the audiobook I am overwhelmed by the desire to eat trash and do Floridian raccoon-head thinks like climb towers and attack people.

Misa Ayuzawa

Behemoth [Primal]

"Pats Conspiracy Theorist's Floridian raccoon-head and offers a cookie and a glass a milk"

Put me on your waiting list.

KUPO.. I didn't think you remembered me ^^. I will travel to siren and AFK in Limsa. And will stay there until I see you. Why? Cuz I can and we lala gotta stick together. And I got treats.. chocolate, cakes, cookies, milk...

Kupo Warkson

Siren [Aether]

I am the head of the LBI, so I have everybody's number. You have been on our most wanted list for minutes now.

I only tell you this because we have you dead to rights on charges of racketeering, conspiracy to conspire, solicitation of a miner, and jaywalking.

Kupo Warkson

Siren [Aether]

Misa, I haven't logged on in months so you'll be waiting a while. I only occasionally lurk here.

And of course I remember you. I never forget the face of a Lala traitor.

Misa Ayuzawa

Behemoth [Primal]

"Drops the treats.. kicks a over-dressed cat".

Kupo Warkson

Siren [Aether]

As endearing as violence against Miqo'tes is, it still does nothing to change your traitor status.

Lolo Menehune

Siren [Aether]

lol

Conspiracy Theorist

Bismarck [Materia]

Who would have guess that this rabbit was a trader to the supreme Lalafell race? Me, that's who. I would have guessed it. The rabbits are not to be trusted, they run around with their long legs, seducing the same innocent men who use their paychecks to aid the impoverished twitch girls who stream ear-licking ASMR videos. They are a truly reprehensible bunch. . . .but $5 is $5. Come and get your audiobook.

Misa Ayuzawa

Behemoth [Primal]

Waaaaaiiiiiit a tick! Not all rabbits are alike!!! I'm not even a rabbit.. I'm a monster lala that happens to look like a rabbit. sheesh.. "throws the money down and takes the audiobook and runs away"

XD

Kupo Warkson

Siren [Aether]

Don't believe Misa. I once tried to pull off her ears to check if they were real or not and they were very much attached to her head. She's a bunny.

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie [Aether]

Thank you for revealing the truth Cons, I suspected it about Bun Bun's, but didn't think it was THAT bad.

Now I know and knowing is half the battle. ;-)

Conspiracy Theorist

Bismarck [Materia]

Indeed but the most sinister of the races are the felines, though the work of the felines would not be complete without their collaboration with the buns. One day I'll stop being lazy and write a small blog about both of these species who are really agents of the government. I spend to much of my time screaming these truths at the top of my lungs in the servers of my datacenter atm to write my thoughts down.

Misa Ayuzawa

Behemoth [Primal]

“Rolls eyes and tosses the audiobook in the trash.”

In my heart I feel Lalas overall are witty, evil, sweet, and adorable. However this clique is lame.

Anti furries right? Probably treat your minions bad too. The conspiracy and hypocrisy lies with you.


Paleez.

Kupo Warkson

Siren [Aether]

I see the facade of pretending to be a tall Lalafell has fallen. You fell right into our trap.

Misa Ayuzawa

Behemoth [Primal]

dang >.>

This comment has been deleted.

Conspiracy Theorist

Bismarck [Materia]

Ma'am there is a distinct difference between dressing up in a furry costume and trying to seduce men as an agent of the government and owning an actual rabbit. Do not sully the name of natural creatures with your fetishes and divergent ways, you SPY! One day I'll come over and rip those synthetic ears which are really antennas that allow you to read minds and personal texts right off your head! At least you paid for the book. Hehehehe no returns.

Misa Ayuzawa

Behemoth [Primal]

I adore you conspiracy theorist. When we meet, I shall make you my minion… that makes me many audiobooks.

Yeseeeeeesssss.

Conspiracy Theorist

Bismarck [Materia]

My heart and body belongs to Aymeric, I'm sorry I can't be your minion.

Nauthriel Oloren

Jenova [Aether]

I love this!
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