Hi!!~
The other day, my good friend
Kalam Makhar and I were standing around in the
Gridania Aetheryte Plaza talking about being an Adventurer. We talked about the usual stuff: where to find the lowest prices on Potions, how Aldgoat sandwiches are so filling on a rumbly belly, why
Chocobos are creepy - standard Adventurer fare. But something occurred to me that I wanted to test.
"Hey,
Kalam," I said, "do you mind if I try something on you?"
"Depends on what it is," he agreed immediately.
"You don't trust me?" I asked innocently.
Kalam thought a moment. "No...not really," he said.
"OK," I said, "I just want to cast
Megaflare on you."
"Oh. Yeah, sure," he answered.
"Really? You're up for that? You're down with it? You are, in general, vertical about this?"
Kalam chuckled. "Yes, should be fine."
So I cast
Megaflare on him. Usually it seems like nothing happens, but this time,
Kalam fell straight over! He was
not at all vertical about this; he was most decidedly horizontal - more horizontal than I have ever seen him before!
So
Megaflare does work...and I guess I didn't know my own strength! It knocked out one of the burliest Au Ras I know. I quickly thought up an excuse, switched to
White Mage, and used
Raise to bring
Kalam back from the dead - like ya do. But this really got me thinking, and I had to continue my experiments. That said, I also wanted to make sure that I didn't get in too much trouble, so I figured it was better to try
Megaflare where nobody knows me. In fact, putting on my
Viera,
Au Ra, and
Roegadyn disguises would be even better.
I Teleported to
Ul'dah for my first test and quickly changed over to my
Au Ra disguise. There are Roegadyn men who work out near the Coliseum, and I thought it would be prudent to start with somebody pretty hefty given the destructive potential of my skills. I slipped into the area, glanced around, selected a victim, and cast
Megaflare.
"GAH!" he yelled, then fell on his face!
Wow! It really does work! Or so I thought...
"What in the name of all the
hells are you doing scaring me like that?" he shouted. "Wait...wait..." he said, a frightened expression crossing his face. "I was supposed to do 1000 pushups. I was somewhere around 900 and now I. LOST.
COUNT! You
dingbat! What is
wrong with you?"
"Wow, look at the time," I mumbled, and quickly made an exit. I didn't want him to call somebody over who would berate me further.
The results of that experiment were concerning. Maybe it was just that
Megaflare is a wee bit weak for a Roegadyn. I would adjust that for the next experiment. I Teleported off to
Limsa Lominsa and switched over to
Viera. I figured with so many Vieras about, nobody would notice one more. I get a little nervous in the Aetheryte Plaza, so I went up to the
Armorer's Guild. I figured I would try
Megaflare on somebody working in the area. As an
Armorer, that person would be tough...but not
too tough. I glanced around, selected a victim, and cast
Megaflare.
"Whoops!" screeched the Armorer, her
Pactmaker's Raising Hammer slipping and cracking whatever it was she was working on. "What in the flying hells are you
doing, you
dingbat? That was a
Gold Connector! The materials alone cost me half a million gil! I'm going to need you to -"
I didn't hear the rest, because I Teleported back to
Gridania to avoid any kind of legal trouble. Something was wrong - very wrong. But I needed to run one more experiment. I decided I would find somebody of lesser constitution, preferably not doing anything dangerous. I had just the guy in mind!
The old geezer by the waterfall would be a perfect victim! He was usually asleep on a bench, so I doubted he would be engaged in any activity I could disrupt. I glanced around, put on my
Roegadyn outfit, and cast
Megaflare.
The old geezer fell right over! I knew it would work! Except...
He slowly opened his eyes and blinked blearily once or twice before he could focus on my face reliably. "Lass, what in the name of
The Twelve do you think you're doing?" he asked. "I'm an old man. That could have hurt me. Think before you act next time, you
dingbat. Now give me a hand - I've fallen and I can't get up."
I helped the geezer back up to the bench and walked away thoughtfully. Why did
Megaflare work on
Kalam? I knew I would need to ask him, so I ditched the
Roegadyn outfit and walked back to the Aetheryte Plaza.
"
Kalam," I began haltingly, "I cast
Megaflare on you and it seemed to work perfectly. But everybody else just seems to get mad at me."
"Wait," he said, "you cast
Megaflare on other people? Why would you do that?"
"Well, it seemed to work, so I... Hang on...why
did it work?" I asked.
"I was being nice!"
Kalam said.
Awww...that was one of the kindest things anybody had ever done for me. I have the best friends. Even if casting
Megaflare really does do nothing, at least I can count on my friends for support. So if you're out there,
Ms. Armorer Gal, I'm sorry; let's set up a payment plan to get you that gil back.
Talk Later!