FRIENDS, how many of us have them??
SOooOo I have to ask, how do you make friends in a virtual world?
Is it possible to even establish a friendship in a world of Pixels and Make Believe? A world filled with dragons, Slime monsters that resemble phallic symbols, and Lady Bugs that are vicious and not to be taken lightly.
How does one go about forming a friendship without physical interaction? No handshake, or facial observations, or socially participating in a mutually agreeable activity. Bowling, Movies, Dinner, or even sometimes Verbal communication?
Well, with Covid being a thing, social interaction being on hold for everyones welfare it may be worth it to figure this out. Because lets face it, if we have to shelter down and enjoy the game it has to only get better when a friend or two or five share our adventures with us right?
So, lets dive into possible ways we can open up the possibilities to introducing ourselves to absolute strangers.
Fist Step:To have a friend you need to be a friend. Simply put, being nice, open to basic conversation to random people is instrumental. A simple, " Hi! I love your Glam! I was thinking of something other than this Subligar I received from leveling..any suggestions? It's the simplest ice breaker! Another, "Emote a /wave and a /cheer, if the character responses back in a emote of the similar kind you can ask how they are doing? or "How's your day been!Simple, easy ice breakers lead to conversation
Now, keep in mind, you may catch MANY people uninterested, grumpy, or don't reply. That's ok though! Just like we don't get along with everyone in the real world we won't always catch someone on a good day, or they don't utilize a keyboard and feel shy that they can't response quick enough without one! Some may even have social anxiety and may take a gentle approach. Each person in real life is different, as each instance is it's own experience. Do not give up!
But LOLO, everyone ignores me, tells me I'm annoying them! Again, this is a process of finding a personality that clicks with you. This may take awhile to happen.Keep in mind this isn't a NPC for an achievement, or boss battle for Ultimate and a brilliant new weapon to show off at Limsa while your AFK. NOPE, this is a friendship that takes patience and work on both sides. What work is needed? Understanding REAL LIFE is paramount to everything. They may have health issues, family responsibilities, or stressors in life that demand their attention at ANY given time. As part of the saying "YOU have to BE a friend" refers to you understanding when they are not logging in for a time, or suddenly taking a break.
The GOOD, the BAD, the UGLY of Virtual Friendships
So we've touched on some key factors to get us in a position to find a friend, understand a potential friend, and how to prepare ourself for work involved in keeping a friend..what now?
Virtual pixels are controlled by a real life human on the other side. As such we are not offered the opportunity to openly connect with our friends on the other side of the pixels. Observe them in ways we interact with our Real life friends. eg: are they rude to people, are they nice almost to a fault, do they treat people in a way you've never imagined. All these basic traits are left unknown. You are left with only what THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW. Eventually one way or another their True personalities may become glaringly apparent but at what cost your feelings/friendship with them.
Anonymity allows someone to disconnect from emotions. This in turn allows them to be the FOREFRONT of your life to nothing more but a memory, all the while you are left wondering what you did, and why they suddenly have no connection to you.Be it a budding relationship, or a BFF you've had this is all too common of an experience to prepare yourself for. It will happen, but it's something to keep in mind and not to obsess over. Keep things realistic, with realistic expectations and if this happens chalk it up as experience and keep pushing. This literally is THEIR issue not yours. ( unless you stole everything from the FC chest and somehow justified it...or kicked everyone from the Fc because they didn't agree with me". Then you are a crusty douche nozzle. Sad but true. :D
Finding people/ a person that enjoys your company is by far the most enriching experience possible. Running dungeons together, talking about glam, talking on discord outside of game time, meet ups, and even family get togethers are by far the extreme, but when they happen these are friendships that hold strong for years.
Enough of this wall of text, if you'd like more examples of HOW TO, let me know and I'd love to provide more examples.
Be well, stay safe, and happy friend making!
Lolo this is some good stuff here. I’d add some additional advice. The first step in making a friend is being interested in the other person and listening to them. If you can listen to someone, actually listen to them, you will find making friends is easy. Also some people don’t talk a lot, but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy your company. Heck I hardly chat at all in game, but I love to see people having fun and help them have fun.
It's like they say: "If you can't do, teach."
Stand alone quietly at your house, preferably with afk symbol, and hope someone comes up to you.
Works every time.
wow, look at Lolo, advice columnist! ;p
I will say, it is pretty good advice though and I do a lot of it to make friends.
You are also right, keep your friendship expectations REALISTIC!!!
I will say though Lolo, I annoy a LOT of people and they STILL want to be friends with me for some weird reason! LOL
I did all that..
Solo is safer for me. I attract the wrong kinds of people and I'm honestly not up for trying to take up new interests just keep someone interested in me. I don't want to watch anime, etc. Unfortunately I got a lot of triggers now thanks to this and don't think I'd be a good friend to anyone. Hell, I run away when someone gets near me. Don't want the drama/expectations/testing anymore.
That's too bad Elaina, friends make this game so much more fun to play. I would have left it long ago if it wasn't for all the friends that I have made here.
Do you know why it always happens, attracting the wrong kind of people? Something you say? bad luck? There has to be a pattern of some kind if it keeps happening.
WELL HOT DAM, a Kupo has been spotted. How the hell have you been?
Well i haven't been playing for a year so I was doing good until I decided to play again.
IKR Lolo! Kupo! Where's the snark man, where's the SNARK? LOL
To be honest though, there really is very little to comment on on the Lodestone anymore. :(
So your pickings will be lean. ;p
I've had several real, lasting online friendships (many in FFXIV) and I really agree with everything you're saying - especially the realistic expectations and the possibility of experiencing the Bad and the Ugly.
I'd even add, actually, that being realistic about online friendships mean scaling back the energy and time you put into them. I tend to be very invested in my friends, and irl it pays off, but I've learned not to do the same thing online.
It sounded a bit dramatic how I said it, but it's really just a good life principle imo - don't pour yourself into things or relationships that can't or won't give much back. Overinvestment creates expectations, which easily leads to disappointment when a person ends up disappearing on you or saying something horrible. So don't give too much of yourself.
It's funny you said that Lalli, I kind of think the same way about online friends.
Take Aria for instance. She is my best friend in the game, I have known her for over 3 years, and I love her dearly.
But I know there will come a time when one of us will tire of the game for good and leave it forever, and that will be that.
We don't talk to one another outside the game, we are game friends only, and I am ok with that.
My virtual friends are separate from my real life friends.
Too long didnt read but making friends in this game is super easy and doesnt require a wall of text.
1. Say hello compliment glamor tell them they are cute
2. Ask to do some dailys together do something clean first together.
3. Add to friends keep in touch ask about sexy photos mods take photos
4. Congrats friends for good
You always want to be in good company with people who are in solidarity with you, in and out of game.
I love this so much! Except I feel often people don't make friends online because they want the friends to come to them.
I run into newer people all the time saying they want friends but no one talk to them. So I ask do they say hey when the log in to their fc? No. Do they say hey to people when they log in? No. Do they join in on discord conversations or join voice chat when asked if they want to? No.
This character has been deleted.
Thanks for the advice! Reading this made my confidence go up! In my home world, I can’t talk to people anymore because I had to drop a group of friends that were just too cliquey for me to talk to. I unfortunately was involved in some drama that I should not have dug myself into. Because of that, I lost a lot friends and now those friends that I had now harass me for being a virgin and just being myself. I’ve made some mistakes, but I’m willing to fix them! This helps! Thank you!
wow lolo nice post, have to say I agree with a lot of points you have made. I myself try to treat others as I would like to be treated, if they have an issue I try to offer some friendly advice (as you have seen that doesn't always go to plan) when things dont go to plan I always try and talk things through and try and reason with people, but sometimes some people can not be helped, so leave them be, why waste time. If people treat me well they can expect to be treated well in return ^^
I have a habit of making spontaneous comments about whatever I'm doing in real life to my FC, LS, party etc. and although some people do seem taken aback by it, almost all my lasting friendships have sprung from that type of situation. Not to say the same can't be accomplished sticking to game relevant topics, only that I think of it as a sort of litmus test.
Really tough subject here.
It's hard to say how to really make friends with purpose. In my personal experience (and this is coming from a big introvert here, so be warned), friendship like many other kinds of relationships just kind of happens without you really trying.
It's definitely true that in order to become friends you have to listen and care for the other. And that's really the thing: it's not something you can (or should) "try" for. Being naturally interested in them is essential.
When you meet someone who picks your interest, your curiosity and desire to interact is natural and really effortless. That's how I've made two online friends with whom I've been playing for 10 years now. They know me better than family.
When you "try" to be interested in someone to make friends, but really aren't, it's usually easy to tell. I don't know what it is, but it just doesn't come across as genuine, and it will show somehow. Call it a sixth sense. Both parties need that initial spark.