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Bounty Hunter

Lolo Menehune

Siren (Aether)

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Game Obsession

Public
So I wanted to talk about something, a little sensitive to me but nonetheless should be talked about

So lately there has been some topics concerning an unhealthy amount of time dedicated to gaming, FFXIV in this example.

I have been part of this, as for I personally found myself in an obsession with the game.
I would work, come home do some things around the house, attend to my daughter, maybe interact with my Ex on a limited capacity all the while anxious to log in a get busy with running roulettes with my virtual friends.
As time went on I found myself becoming more and more immersed into the beautiful pixel land, always wanting..no..NEEDING to progress. Relics, higher iLevel Gear, level up an alt, finish MSQ.
This went on for a while, the distance between my Ex and I became evident. I realized I was missing some very valuable time with my baby girl. She was growing up fast and I was missing out.

One day the fog finally cleared, I had realized just how much my life had revolved around this game.
A few years had passed and I remembered all that I had missed out on. How grumpy I would be when called out for being "obsessed" with the game. I was a different person. I realized this and hated myself.

My Ex was gone, moved onto a "healthier" relationship out of the house. That broke my heart.
But the part that hurt the most was the reality that I wouldn't be the first person my baby girl saw waking up, and the person placing her to bed every night. No, that would be only on my weeks now.
That crushed me, I can NOT describe the hurt, anger, pain that I felt at the moment. The disappointment that overcame me was devastating.

It was at that moment I took a long break from ALL gaming, especially FFXIV.
I sought out help and discovered I had clinical depression. For my baby, I needed to better myself so I underwent some counseling along with medication, physical exercise, and various vitamins.

I still love this game, enjoy all that it offers but my love for my daughter is and always will be far more important to me than anything in this world.

I share this extremely personal, embarrassing, story hoping to reach someone out there in the same haze I was in. Don't be scared or ashamed that you may suffer from a chemical imbalance that doesn't allow you to be you. Don't let Grocery store clerks or want to be authors, construction workers that post on here comment on your post tell you to "get exercise and you'll be better". No, seek Professional help. Talk to other's that have sought help, don't be afraid to reach out and admit you have a problem. Chances are there are people that love you, want to help you..you just have to allow yourself the chance to believe they can help you. And this sounds corny as hell, but believe it or not, YOU ARE WORTH HELPING. Do NOT allow your brain or anyone else to tell you otherwise. It is a struggle that ONLY those experiencing it in their own way MAY understand how difficult it is. Know that you are not alone, and you CAN make it through this.

Some basic information and phone numbers to call. Please keep in mind, there are a plethora of resources about mental health on the internet. Some great, some ok, just have to use common sense and learn as much as you can.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-hotline-numbers/
https://www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/video-game-addiction/


Comments (19)

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I have had moments I played in to much of my free time. My wife was kind enough to express her wants and needs.

I raid 3-4 nights a week during the tier. She allows me that however we came to a healthy agreement. Prior to raid time I do a few things to help the house run smooth, we eat dinner as a family every night. No phones, ipads etc. I only start raid at my daughter's "normal" bed time. Which means I'm not tuned out and commited to raiding while she is still up.

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We cuddle in my chair prior to that and play games together. Me and my daughter have our own special gaming time that is just us together and "NOT" FF. On non raid nights I come to bed when my daughter goes to sleep and we watch a couple hours of tv together. As well as 1-2 dates a month on Saturday. Overall this has helped keep me very balance. I still play FF in all my "free" time. But its the only game I play and I balance between my family.

Lolo Menehune

Siren (Aether)

Panda this is a very healthy approach <3
Communication and understanding with definitive boundaries with all of your family allows you the opportunity to enjoy your "me time" without compromise of what is MOST important, your family.

Anisha Dawn

Twintania (Light)

My wife hmm.. at times I give her space by just playing more. I do well not to forget myself though, I take breaks, go out and try to enjoy the sunshine.

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

It's simple really, either you learn to adjust to keep it from being a problem or you don't and face the consequences of your actions.

It was a problem when i was young, it is not now because I know what could happen if it ever DID become a problem again and I take steps to prevent it.

Honestly, sometimes you just have to experience the problem and see the results before you can fix the cause and prevent reoccurring mistakes from happening again.

Siglinde Skysworn

Sargatanas (Aether)

Totally agreed, Lolo! As with all things, enjoy in moderation.

I guess I'm lucky (?) because I'm too lazy to become addicted to games, haha! After an hour or a two, I start to want to do something else and walk away. However I have dealt with 1 case of videogame addiction among my students, so I do know it can be a terrible problem.

Yoru Kuro

Phoenix (Light)

There is a thin boundary between "being able to manage" and "being addicted".

During the week I have my schedule but in the week-end, if I have nothing planned outside I tend to spend way too much time in-game.

Lolo, you are courageous to post your experience here. And I wish you all the best for the future.

Meiyu Chen

Kujata (Elemental)

If you realize your game addiction you have made huge improvement. Now you just have to work on how to improve your life. Good job and good luck. Life is short don’t spend your entire life on computers all day long. You will miss ton of things that life could offer to you!

Lolo Menehune

Siren (Aether)

@Siglinde luck not so much, but I'm going to say you're one of those people that can becomes bored sitting in one spot for too long. That' not necessarily a bad thing.
@Tiara, thank you. Sage advice that can be applied in many ways ; )
@Yoru, I appreciate both your encouragement as well as your first line. "There is a thin boundary between "being able to manage" and "being addicted". Having the ability to "walk away", "stop", at any time is the blessing.

Lolo Menehune

Siren (Aether)

@anna:"It's simple really, either you learn to adjust to keep it from being a problem or you don't and face the consequences of your actions."
Sounds simple enough. When we have a headache is taking an aspirin really solving the underlying issue? No. Is it due to stress? Bad eyeglasses? Allergies? Neuro issue of some sort? Do we simply just "stick it out", pop an aspirin and pretend there is not a deeper source?

Lolo Menehune

Siren (Aether)

My point being, I was unaware I suffered from clinical depression. Is that an excuse? NO. Is it an issue that requires professional help for those not equipped with a god-like mind of matter abilities? YES
The point of my sharing isn't to achieve likes, or pity, it is to reach those that are experiencing what I went through to NOT ONLY consider moderation, and breaks but consider the possibility of something far darker and detrimental is brewing underneath the exterior issue to take seriously.

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

Hmmmm, you make a good point Lolo. In my case when I was young it was shyness that mainly caused the issue. When I learned how to be social, make friends, and beat the shyness, I simply had other things besides games in my life to do and it kind of just stopped bring an issue for me.

I know that is a really simplified solution, but for me, it's really all it was. I was lonely and turned to games to occupy my time and ended up wasting my 20's because I rather would be playing than getting out

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

I think a lot of the time, game addiction IS a mental issue of some kind, whether from shyness, depression, or something else. Sometimes you can beat it on your own, sometimes you need professional help.

But I say, TRY to figure out WHAT is causing it if you can. If you narrow down the reason, you can see if you can eliminate it or at least get it under some kind of control so it does not affect your life too much.

Meiyu Chen

Kujata (Elemental)

Just like me who has mental problem struggle to wake up every morning.. I think what you need is the "will" or "reinforcement" that you indeed want to stop that addiction you are having. Because in the end, nobody can fix your life other than yourself. Like losing weight and be healthy person, no one can tell you to lose weight other than yourself. So if you wish to improve your life, do it. Don't wait for tomorrow or next week. Do it now, the faster the better. Before you wake up in regret.

Proto Popoto

Famfrit (Primal)

Lolo Menehune, Champion of the Realm, Conqueror of the Deep, Speaker of Truths, and, evidently, Hunter of Bounties.

I have the opposite problem. I'm so disinterested in... everything. I could, and have, just stop playing videogames for long periods of time (2-3 years) and it doesn't really affect me. I used to be in therapy. Therapist never said anything about depression. He did mention anxiety, which is why I came back to FFXIV, to try being part of the community and facing my fears.

o/ Hiii!

Proto Popoto

Famfrit (Primal)

Wait, where did "the opposite problem" come from? That's weird. I should have said "a similar but different problem".

Did I mention I'm unmedicated? lol I'm sweating. This was stupid. Sorry, Lolo. Sorry, everybody. Sorry, me.

Ah, that's cool, me, don't worry about it. Mid-height-five! /singleclap

Lolo Menehune

Siren (Aether)

@Proto Popoto: /hug. That is both the curse and the blessing of humans in that we are all different in many ways. What you experience is no less important than what anyone else here has had to deal with.

I really appreciate everyone that has commented and/or quietly read this post. I hope that when all is said and done if even in the slightest my story can help some to understand the complexity behind the obvious issue at hand.

Felsea Stryfe

Lich (Light)

well said Lolo. HQ person fella.

Anastasia Grimmsley

Adamantoise (Aether)

Healthy moderation.
People are really heavy and passionate into their hobbies and there's nothing with it.
But be mindful when delving into it and balance it out appropriately.
Real life exists, much like drugs its an escape to relieve stress of the daily world struggles in this current day and age. If you can afford to do it, then by all means all things considered, relationships, committments and responsibilities. If you have none and are loaded, self-assured and aren't afflicte then okie!
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